We’re the Blackheath Morris Men. We’re from south-east London and we’re a jolly fine bunch of fellows.
Our interests include drink. If you want to join up, have a look at the contact page for further information.
along as soon as Mr. Johnson says it’s OK. Alternatively, if you work for him, come along tomorrow. *
We are available to perform at just about any event that you care to mention - in the past we have danced at the Olympic Closing Ceremony, as support to Hawkwind back in the seventies, in the Red Sea and outside Woolworths in Lewisham on several occasions.
*We’ve left the crossed out bit in so that future generations can understand the crippling impact of Covid on Morris dancing. We also think the sentence is quite funny. ** Mr. Johnson was a UK Prime Minister and should not the confused with the Mr. Johnson who, in the 18th century, was credited with the first dictionary, the opening entry for which was not “Aardvark”
Video from Morris Hub's youtube channel!
The Duke Horse is the Blackheath Morris Virtual Pub. Hence the expression, “see you in Duke Horse” Meet our merry band below..
We'll also be doing some other things, all of them really good - but we haven't decided what they are yet!
This superb four piece jigsaw of our late musician and gaffer, with Mr. Pickwick looking on, is yours for only £25.00. This is an ideal Christmas present for the kids. It is not so difficult as to become boring, nor too easy as to be no fun - and this is one of the few jigsaws without any sky. The team imbecile, Judas Pastry, managed to complete the jigsaw in just under four hours. Above, you can see the original jigsaw pieces and the results of his labours. It is presented on flimsy A4 paper, to save on postage costs. E-mail the bagman to buy
Despite their long tradition, Blackheath Morris like to adapt to change and to reflect modern attitudes. That is why we have added a vegetarian option to our web site. We created this vegetarian crossword, and asked the team vegetarian to review it. Here are his comments. "I thoroughly enjoyed this crossword and will certainly be returning to try it again. These days, many places add vegetarian options because they feel they have to. Not so with this crossword - it is first class and is the perfect accompaniment to a glass of Elderflower wine. If I had to make one criticism, it is that there is no lettuce in it - but that is purely a matter of personal taste."
Our ex-Bagman, John (LJO) has retired and now does voluntary social work. He recently did a stint with the Samaritans, but left after 4 of the 5 calls he received committed suicide. 2 of those 4 had dialled the wrong number.
The concept of the gun, so legend has it, was introduced by AWOL, a member of Blackheath in the 1970's. Being an
man, we assume it was from here that the idea originated. Recently, there seems to have been some confusion and
within the team about what constitutes a valid gun. After months of argument, the following code of practice was
down. To a man, the team do not agree with this code of practice, but the majority feel that is should be published
avoid confusion. We believe that this code of practice ranks alongside any documentation produced by the EU in
1) A gun may only be given by a team officer. The Gaffer is specifically excluded (save the exception in rule 2), as he may be privy to information that could adversely influence the outcome.
2) Where no gun-eligible officer is present and a gun is required then a secret ballot will take place amongst the remaining team. Nominations for the length of the gun shall be made and must be seconded. The "length of gun nominations" must comply with the rules laid down herein. In the event of a tie, the Gaffer may cast the deciding vote.
3) When the length of the gun is in dispute, the officer carrying the day shall be determined according to the event being undertaken by the team. At a Morris event or private booking, the gun officer ranking shall be Squire, Foreman, Bagman. At a practice, the ranking shall be Foreman, Squire, Bagman. At a team event at which there is no dancing, or where kit is not worn, then the ranking shall be Bagman, Squire, Foreman. The Senior Gun Determination Officer has the right to delegate the giving of a gun to a junior officer. When giving the gun to the team, the junior officer must indicate his authority (i.e. the delegating officer). The team must accept the gun, but have the right to interrogate the delegating officer when appropriate. If it is found that the junior officer has abused his position he will automatically be subject to a specific item on the agenda at the AGM, where he will be required to account for his actions. If his explanation is inadequate, he may be pelted with missiles, including but not limited to, a spoonful of Geva's vegetable curry, by the rest of the team.
4) Whilst a non-officer is not permitted to issue guns, they do have a responsibility to convey accurately to anyone who has missed the gun exactly what the gun is and exactly how much time has elapsed since the gun was issued. This is in case a non-officer arrives after a gun has been issued and neither the gun-issuing officer nor any other eligible officer is present. The conveying of inaccurate guns by non-officers should be a disciplinary offence reportable to the AGM and attracting a penalty no greater than and no less than that described in clause 3 for junior officers who abuse their position. (Without this guideline, non-officers will have a license to lie to the unwary about guns).
5) The length of a gun may not be divisible by five. The team may consider any such gun null and void and are not required to advise the gun-eligible officer of his mistake. The initial gun must be greater than six: of course, interim guns may be less, but still not divisible by five (see 8)
6) Where the officer realises his mistake, his corrective gun may not be less than his erroneous gun. For example, an erroneous gun of 10 may be replaced by one of 11, but not by one of 9. As before, erroneous corrective guns are considered null and void.
7) Where a gun-eligible officer gives a corrective gun, he may not seek to gain any alcoholic benefit from the additional length. A breach of this rule is classified as "unjust enrichment" and as a penalty the officer must enrich all members of the team present to the same degree.
8) Where an update to the remaining length of the gun is required, it may not be divisible by five. Breach of this rule invokes clause 6), with the penalty reference length being that which was last uttered. (If necessary, the remaining length may be determined by giving the original length minus the current length.)
9) The gun-eligible officer is solely responsible for the recording and monitoring of the gun length and the team have no right of dispute. Where a gun is given by proxy (see 3) the delegate assumes the same authority as the gun-eligible officer.
10) Advice of gun length may be given in any verifiable form: verbally, written (manuscript or text message). The use of morse code, semaphore, foreign languages etc. are allowable on the condition that there is someone present in the team who can make a full and accurate translation.