Ephemera

GUNS - Code of Practice

The concept of the gun, so legend has it, was introduced by AWOL, a member of Blackheath in the 1970's. Being an ex-army man, we assume it was from here that the idea originated. Recently, there seems to have been some confusion and dispute within the team about what constitutes a valid gun. After months of argument, the following code of practice was laid down. To a man, the team do not agree with this code of practice, but the majority feel that is should be published to avoid confusion. We believe that this code of practice ranks alongside any documentation produced by the EU in Brussels.

1) A gun may only be given by a team officer. The Gaffer is specifically excluded (save the exception in rule 2), as he may be privy to information that could adversely influence the outcome.

2) Where no gun-eligible officer is present and a gun is required then a secret ballot will take place amongst the remaining team. Nominations for the length of the gun shall be made and must be seconded. The "length of gun nominations" must comply with the rules laid down herein. In the event of a tie, the Gaffer may cast the deciding vote.

3) When the length of the gun is in dispute, the officer carrying the day shall be determined according to the event being undertaken by the team. At a Morris event or private booking, the gun officer ranking shall be Squire, Foreman, Bagman. At a practice, the ranking shall be Foreman, Squire, Bagman. At a team event at which there is no dancing, or where kit is not worn, then the ranking shall be Bagman, Squire, Foreman. The Senior Gun Determination Officer has the right to delegate the giving of a gun to a junior officer. When giving the gun to the team, the junior officer must indicate his authority (i.e. the delegating officer). The team must accept the gun, but have the right to interrogate the delegating officer when appropriate. If it is found that the junior officer has abused his position he will automatically be subject to a specific item on the agenda at the AGM, where he will be required to account for his actions. If his explanation is inadequate, he may be pelted with missiles, including but not limited to, a spoonful of Geva's vegetable curry, by the rest of the team.

4) Whilst a non-officer is not permitted to issue guns, they do have a responsibility to convey accurately to anyone who has missed the gun exactly what the gun is and exactly how much time has elapsed since the gun was issued. This is in case a non-officer arrives after a gun has been issued and neither the gun-issuing officer nor any other eligible officer is present. The conveying of inaccurate guns by non-officers should be a disciplinary offence reportable to the AGM and attracting a penalty no greater than and no less than that described in clause 3 for junior officers who abuse their position. (Without this guideline, non-officers will have a license to lie to the unwary about guns).

5) The length of a gun may not be divisible by five. The team may consider any such gun null and void and are not required to advise the gun-eligible officer of his mistake. The initial gun must be greater than six: of course, interim guns may be less, but still not divisible by five (see 8)

6) Where the officer realises his mistake, his corrective gun may not be less than his erroneous gun. For example, an erroneous gun of 10 may be replaced by one of 11, but not by one of 9. As before, erroneous corrective guns are considered null and void.

7) Where a gun-eligible officer gives a corrective gun, he may not seek to gain any alcoholic benefit from the additional length. A breach of this rule is classified as "unjust enrichment" and as a penalty the officer must enrich all members of the team present to the same degree.

8) Where an update to the remaining length of the gun is required, it may not be divisible by five. Breach of this rule invokes clause 6), with the penalty reference length being that which was last uttered. (If necessary, the remaining length may be determined by giving the original length minus the current length.)

9) The gun-eligible officer is solely responsible for the recording and monitoring of the gun length and the team have no right of dispute. Where a gun is given by proxy (see 3) the delegate assumes the same authority as the gun-eligible officer.

10) Advice of gun length may be given in any verifiable form: verbally, written (manuscript or text message). The use of morse code, semaphore, foreign languages etc. are allowable on the condition that there is someone present in the team who can make a full and accurate translation.